To An Egg

(My friend and fellow Robert Burns admirer, Argyle Schield, continues to search for undiscovered  collections of Burns’ work.  Not long ago he discovered, in a dust covered chest in some attic or cellar in Scotland, a set of what he believes to be original and heretofore undiscovered works of Burns.  After painstakingly transcribing many in that collection, he gave me permission to share this one publicly.  I debuted it this past Saturday at our fifth annual Burns Supper and I now share it with a wider audience.  You have to admit that after reading, well, I dunno, say, Burns’ famous poem, To A Mouse, how much this one resembles it.  It’s gotta be Burns, don’t you think?)

To An Egg

White ovoid bundle of versatile wonder,
Your riches I would love to plunder,
Whether thou art intact or torn asunder:
The perfect food.
Ignoring thee would be a blunder
And somewhat rude.

I love you scrambled, hot on the plate
For that great meal I wouldna be late,
But also with bacon, the right proper mate,
Fried nice, easy.
Now there’s a dish that carries weight,
Though a wee bit greasy.

Or in an omelet you canna be beat
Full a’ onion, cheese, pepper, and meat.
Or maybe w’ haggis?  Perfect!  Neat!
My mouth’s a-waterin’.
Resisting you’s an impossible feat,
My will power’s falterin’.

Soft-boiled or sunny-side, either’s fine,
Your hot drippin’ yolk is better ‘n wine.
To savor, to gobble, ah, truly divine!
Oh what a giftie!
You buck up my spirits and straighten my spine
Give quite a liftie.

God bless crispy Scotch Eggs, a national dish
Are Egg McMuffins Scottish?  You wish!
We Scots sure like drinking: try a flip or gin fizz
Puts us in a roister.
Don’t forget eggnog, beverage delish.
Need a Prairie Oyster?

How about wonderful creamy egg salad
A delectable treat worthy of a Scots ballad.
Hard-boiled and deviled: also quite valid.
Give me some now!
Not eating these treats makes me pallid
And jumpy, somehow.

Eggs international, Huevos Rancheros
Eggs Muldoon and Neptune, Farafa de Ovos.
Egg-Drop Soup and Foo-Young, do you care-os?
Anything to suit.
Eggs Florentine, Fitzpatrick, Huevos Motulenos,
Can you stomach balut?

Shirred, coddled and basted or served in a quiche,
Loco moco, fritata, I don’t care in the least.
Benedict, souffle, please serve me a piece,
Can’t get enough.
Egg kaka, breakfast casserole, sheesh!
Wonderful stuff!

Also in cooking, pancakes and crepes,
Helps puddings, custards, my mouth hangs agape.
Also fluffy meringues, such angular shape.
Sauce Hollandaise.
Cookies and cakes and gratins to scrape,
Also mayonnaise.

Oh bonnie wee eggy you help me walk tall,
The Maker’s great wondrous gift to us all.
We’ll stay close to you and surely not fall.
So shall ye see.
(Is ‘t odd the egg, would hold me in thrall?
The yolk ‘s on me.)